My new year resolution

This is a post after a very long time, and I promise to be consistent from now on. 

I have lately realized that I had been relying heavily on motivation to do things that come to the top of my priority list. But for a change now, I am looking forward to relying on processes rather than those burst of motivation that comes to you once in a blue moon. So I promise to follow the process of writing more religiously in my life.

Just for the record, all the promises that I make here are promises to myself. 

Taking promises, my memory reminds me that this is the first month of the new year. The month where the promises to self are given a very fancy name New Year's Resolution. 

This concept of deciding to change myself to a whole new person with the healthiest, and wisest habits had a magnetic pull for me till last year. I would zero down on a few big ideas that could turn my life upside down and make an attempt to follow them as soon as the clock strikes 12, and that calendar rolls over a year. 

I would wake up a new person the next morning, and step out of my bed even before the sun has. My dog would open his eyes in amazement, to witness this unusual event probably thinking "How come this creature woke up this early, on the other days I don't see him even after I bark at a stretch after my breakfast".

Something that looks like this 

Once I am out of bed, I would wander around the house sniffing for something that could keep me occupied. I would open the gate outside and see the empty roads, with a handful of people. I would then return back to my comfortable bed thinking, I would decide on what to do in the morning during the day today and, I would have better things to do after I wake up early tomorrow onwards. Let's take extend the sleep today.

Since it's a new year and everybody is in the celebration mood, the food prepared at the house would be abundant in oils, and sugar conflicting directly with my resolution of not consuming sugar and fried food. I would then make logical arguments why I should avoid them, and in the end, realizing my hands already went ahead and stuffed my mouth with it, anyways I can keep eating healthy food from tomorrow onwards for the entire year.

You see where I am going in with the story right.

Taking a challenging new year resolution is a fine thing unless you stick to it at the costs that come with it. 

And If you don't stick to the promises that you made to yourself, you are creating instances where you didn't follow your so well thought decision. And each time you do that you are increasing one vote in favor of why you should not believe this person. You start to lose trust and confidence in yourself. You now know that this person cannot be trusted a lot, he doesn't even stand with his so carefully thought-after decisions.

And Just that you know, it's You who is the person who is going to spent your entire life with this person now, who doesn't stand by his words.

If you keep breaking your own trust, this mountain of distrust is slowly building and giving you plenty of reasons not to believe in yourself.

And trust me, you don't want to spend your entire life with this person whom you can barely trust.

So Instead this year for a change, I have not taken any new year resolutions. I would instead make a monthly resolution starting at random dates, about being consistent for 30 days on whatever thing I decide to do. Let's see how it goes. I will keep you posted here. 

Let me start trusting myself more this year.