A for "A Decade Ago"

April 1,2014

It's 1st of April,

On April Fool's Day, this seems like an easy opportunity. Should I confess my feelings to the love of my life, if she reacts weirdly, it's easy I can put it as an April Fool's joke and I still get to continue my situation (sorry this word is yet to be discovered) friendship with her. I so much wish she was my classmate, but how would I take other boys in my class hitting on her in front of me the entire day. But my board exams have ended, and I don't get to go to school now. Never mind, I would write one note and send it across to her at school with the junior girl who lives next door. 

I plan to take admission in chimaya vidyalaya, bokaro. My father seems convinced too, they probably want me to do engineering but I think it's too competitive and mainstream. Not that I fear engineering in any way, in fact, physics is something I love the most today. I mean after A...... of course!! I know I would do great since I love applying logic to studies, but all the hype created around IITs makes me a little more disinterested. I am opting for a medical, chill life. I like studying and I would do just that going forward, do a doctor's job, help save lives, and live a financially peaceful life. 

I think my family has started me a little more now, in the last two years as my school scores have been rising, but I so much wish I had been getting at least some part of the same love my sister has been receiving. I have been requesting my father to take me around and show me an iit college so that I get a little motivation to work a little harder. But the family finances are wrecked for my sister's education. I know my father had sold off his ancestral land so that they could barely make up for what my sister's education has been costing.

I know it would wreak havoc in their pockets as I move out of my home for my higher education, but that's only after the next three months. I never demanded anything money-consuming from my parents till now, even though I blow up all the money that exists with me. I hope I can continue the trajectory of greater success than my sister did because that has been the factor that determines the distribution of love in our family. 

The next three months are going to be a bomb, but I don't know how. The maximum I can do is to go to my maternal grandparent's house, but it's boring there too. It's also the time for my sister to come back home after her drop year in Kota. It's going to be her rule-like past from now on. I want to read books, but my sister has convinced my dad it would imbibe bad culture in me so that option is gone. I want to learn swimming, but a natural open waterbody with random village kids is too much of a risk to take, given my parents won't approve even an ounce of it. So it's a lot of time, no productive thing to do, and being ready to be bossed around.

I don't know what my life will be going forward, but I am pretty sure that I am going to be confident, humble, and generous. One other parenting lesson I am carrying is, that if I have multiple kids going forward in life, they would never feel the difference in my treatment to each of them. My life ahead would be based on giving out and receiving the love that I had always been yearning for. For now, it's entirely reserved for the person this blog starts with.